the burst of laughter seems strange to the man wearing shorts who happens to be a pedophile

TO ALL MY LOYAL FANS.
TO THE WRETCHED AND WEAK
TO THE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG
TO THE YOUTH
AND TO THE OLD
TO THE DENIZENS OF TRUTH, NOBLE AND TRUE
I SAY THIS:
IF THE BLOW IS TOO SWEET FOR THE NOSE
THEN SMACK THAT BITCH AND BUY A HOE.
not a prostitute of course, i mean the rake.
Also, by bitch i do mean female companion, not the dog...
NOW that we are clear we can move onto business.

I know its been a long time since ive last posted and to those coutnless loyal readers, i truly apologize. As of late, i have been quite busy. Why just recently i was seen courting the princess of NOVASCOTIA. Things turned for the worse when i discovered just how clean their water really is...
My doctor has recently told me that dreams lead to the truth and we all know im about the truth. Truthiness is something i am good at obtaining through my truth hammering ways.
Dream sequence:
I stand alone in a jungle crowded with vine things taht shoot poison darts like in that jungle board game movie with robin willliams. Dodging posion ejaculates like keanu reeves in the matrix i expertly moved to the holy temple where they store the prize for top notch warriors such as myself.
HERE is where j-dwag (jesus, for all you illiterates) in all his golden glory, desended from his throne of pure jaguar skulls and granted me the most amazing gift of all: the ability to empty my bowels in one fell swoop.
THANk god. now i can poop on demand and for the record i now have the cleanest colon on the planet.
awesomisity increased by .4%

In other news, TWILIGHT NEW MOON debuts on the big screen and meets huge success. To see what all the big hubbug was about i decided to watch the trailer
here is a link.
please
just watch it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jyj_7U2FgpI

apparently baseball and sparkling gay men run center stage amidst the rankings of vampires and werewolves.
what i just dont understand is why this fucking movie is so popular.
To my understanding the book is written so the like of 4 year old, prepubescent girls (excluding dave grohls daughter. she is as much of a woman as she will ever be. Hail the glory of rockiness)
can comprehend the entirety of the novel.
example:
The door opened again, and the cold wind suddenly gusted through the room, rustling the papers on the desk, swirling my hair around my face. The girl who came in merely stepped to the desk, placed a note in the wire basket, and walked out again. But Edward Cullen's back stiffened, and he turned slowly to glare at me--his face was absurdly handsome--with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. The look only lasted a second, but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. He turned back to the receptionist.

"Never mind, then," he said hastily in a voice like velvet. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." And he turned on his heel without another look at me, and disappeared out the door.

I went meekly to the desk, my face white for once instead of red, and handed her the signed slip.

wind gusting? hairy arms? voice like velvet?
really?

My response to this garbage was to go directly to the movies, buy 300 tickets, lay them strategically along all exits and entrances, and shit on each ticket to prevent any twilight fan from entering or leaving the the theater without stepping in shit...
thats what they deserve
YAY
JESUS POWERS
YAYAYAY